Molly was so excited to start Grade One and meet her new teacher and classmates. Molly really wanted to play with new friends and was looking forward to the new things she would learn at school. Finally, the first day of Grade One arrived. Molly was so excited that she could barely eat her breakfast. As she walked with her mom to the classroom she started to feel her stomach turn into knots and her legs began to shake. Later, as she entered the classroom, her hands started to sweat and she held on to her mom’s hand even tighter. A classmate saw Molly coming into the classroom and said, “Hi, my name is Josh, do you want to come and play Lego with me?” Molly quickly looked down at her shoes and couldn’t think of anything to say. She tried to say something but it came out as a jumbled mess. Josh quickly lost interest and went back to playing with the Lego set.

In every social situation, there are unwritten rules that we all must abide by. It can be very difficult for a parent to be a helpless bystander as their child makes social blunders and suffers from social isolation and loneliness. The Unwritten Rules of Friendship (Elman & Kennedy-Moore, 2003) illuminates the variety of unwritten rules in our society and the difficulty it places on children who do not innately know the specific rules for that social situation, or who have behavioural challenges that are hindering them from making positive social interactions.

In Molly’s case, the unwritten rules that she would benefit from in order to know what to say when meeting new people are: 1) Greet people you would like to get to know; not greeting people makes you seem unfriendly, 2) You look uninterested when you look down or away, and 3) Kids like kids who are willing to do things with them. Elman and Kennedy-Moore (2003) also provide specific activities to complete with your child to work on their unique social skill deficits. For example, children who are shy may not realize the importance of greetings. In fact, almost every social interaction begins with a greeting. The four main elements of a greeting are: meet the gaze of the person you are greeting, smile, say “Hi,” and say the person’s name if you know it. Further, role-playing the four main components of greetings will allow Molly to become comfortable with the dialogue of meeting new people. Therefore, when Molly is later asked to play by another classmate, she will be able to meet their gaze and say “Hi.” From this successful greeting, Molly may be on her way to making new friendships and excelling socially at school.

However, some children may not be able to succeed in social situations even when they are aware of the unwritten rules. For example, Molly may not be able to greet new classmates even after role-playing greetings. Molly’s anxiety may first need to be addressed before work can begin on making new friends. That is why Eckert Psychology & Education Centre utilizes many social skill curriculums and therapeutic strategies to support children in becoming fluent in social skills. Our Social Skill Cognitive Coaching programs are created specifically for each person’s individual needs. Often, people who struggle with social skills have a multifaceted basis for their skill limitations and require specialized support to gain awareness of the social rules surrounding their daily activities. Eckert Centre also realizes that adults can have social skill challenges as well. As a result, Eckert Centre provides Social Skill Cognitive Coaching to people of all ages.

The unwritten rules of social interactions can be baffling and lead to social isolation and loneliness for your child or yourself. However, with the knowledge and skills from a variety of curriculums and therapeutic strategies, Eckert Centre can successfully support children and adults to become fluent in social skills.